Protecting Your Marriage from Its Greatest Threat

“We never intended to fall in love. We were just friends at the office,” the woman confessed through bitter tears. Her affair had finally come to light, and she and her devastated husband sat in their pastor’s study, desperately trying to mend their shattered marriage.

Their story is another tragic statistic in an alarming workplace trend. More and more often, men and women are working closely on projects, traveling together on business trips, celebrating successes together, and consoling one another when the business deal fails. These intensely personal experiences give workplace friendships an emotional charge that can threaten any marriage.

How can you protect your marriage from a workplace affair—or any affair? One word: boundaries. A common assumption is that loving marriages are immune to affairs. But research suggests that it’s not necessarily the strength of your love that protects you, but the strength of your boundaries.

A boundary is an inviolable, personal conviction. Unfaithful spouses often claim to be victims of forces beyond their control: “I couldn’t help myself.” Yet everyone who has an affair willfully decides to compromise a conviction.

The boundary that usually falls first is the “shared secret.” You may feel an attraction toward a workmate. However, not until you “share your secret” do you break the boundary. A boundary-breaker may be a flirtatious touch. An e-mail with a double meaning. An overly personal compliment. If the other person responds in kind and neither of you tells your spouse, you give each other a silent signal that your feelings are mutual and the secret is safe. Like a spark igniting fuel in an engine, a shared secret revs up a relationship and begins the affair.

So, don’t cross the “shared secret” boundary. If you sense that a coworker is testing that boundary, immediately tell your spouse. Exposing the secret immediately defuses it . . . and builds trust.

What are other boundaries?

  • Never pair up on business trips
  • Never share marriage problems or dissatisfaction—this signals that you want emotional intimacy
  • Never give overly personal compliments
  • Never violate personal space by sitting too close or touching

“The marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). The phrase, marriage bed, represents the physical and emotional intimacy that makes marriage sacred. “Protect your marriage,” the writer is saying. Don’t give the intimacy that you promised your spouse to anyone else. Keep your boundaries firm.

Taken from Bryce Klabunde, “Protecting Your Marriage from Its Greatest Threat,” Insights (July 2006):2-3. Copyright  2006, Insight for Living. All rights reserved worldwide.

Posted in Divorce, Marriage, Men's Purity, Women's Purity and tagged .

Bryce Klabunde has been a member of the Insight for Living Ministries team as a writer and biblical counselor since 1991. His credits include a master’s degree in Bible Exposition from Dallas Theological Seminary and a doctorate of ministry in Pastoral Care and Counseling from Western Seminary. From 2008 to 2017, He also ministered as soul care pastor in a church, tending the spiritual needs of the flock. Currently, Bryce serves Insight for Living Ministries as vice president, Searching the Scriptures Studies. At the center of his life are his walk with Christ, his wife, Jolene, and his pastoral calling to help hurting people with the healing principles of God’s Word.

బ్రైస్ క్లబుండే 1991 నుండి రచయిత మరియు బైబిల్ సలహాదారునిగా ఇన్‌సైట్ ఫర్ లివింగ్ మినిస్ట్రీస్ బృందంలో సభ్యుడిగా ఉన్నారు. ఆయన ప్రామాణికతల్లో డల్లాస్ థియోలాజికల్ సెమినరీ నుండి బైబిల్ ఎక్స్‌పోజిషన్‌లో మాస్టర్స్ డిగ్రీ మరియు వెస్ట్రన్ సెమినరీ నుండి పాస్టోరల్ కేర్‌ మరియు కౌన్సెలింగ్లో డాక్టరేట్ ఆఫ్ మినిస్ట్రీ ఉన్నాయి. 2008 నుండి 2017 వరకు, ఆయన ఒక సంఘంలో ఆత్మ సంరక్షణ పాస్టరుగా కూడా పనిచేశారు, మంద యొక్క ఆత్మీయ అవసరాలను తీర్చారు. ప్రస్తుతం, బ్రైస్ ఇన్సైట్ ఫర్ లివింగ్ మినిస్ట్రీస్, సెర్చింగ్ ద స్క్రిప్చర్స్ స్టడీస్‌లో వైస్ ప్రెసిడెంట్‌గా పనిచేస్తున్నారు. క్రీస్తుతో, అతని భార్యయైన జోలీన్ తో నడవటం, మరియు బాధలో ఉన్న ప్రజలకు దేవుని వాక్యములోని స్వస్థపరచు సూత్రాలతో సహాయపడటానికి తన పాస్టోరల్ పిలుపు, ఇవే ఆయన జీవితమునకు ముఖ్యమైనవి.